Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Verse to Spring


Doldrums wane.
The draining grey swallowed by new tide.
The barren womb once more leaps.
Flakes of cold (that never were), have fled
Our thoughts with warm gaze.
The pale moans of the cello reform
To whispers of all growing things
Until it sings their lively melody.
Romance’s midday scene rests in
Shade of reaching arms from dazzling
Light and emboldening hue.
When nectar fills more than a belly.
At last. The long awaited restoration
Of color and birth is nigh.
One question endures although its worth is naught:
Is it the start of something anticipated,
Or is it the end, the something hoped for?

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Confessions of a Curious World

Believe it or not, I was somewhat relieved when I found out that this little, but extremely technologically advanced, piece of equipment was the culprit behind Google map's "street view". To be honest, though I've known about it and it has been around for some time now, I was always more of a mapquest person myself and I've only recently been exploring the amazing technology that is "street view".

My roommate was showing me her home across the country, and I too found myself viewing places that are near and dear to my heart. It was all jolly fun and brought smiles to both of our faces until one crucial question came to my mind: how are they getting these images? The fact that we used to have a basketball hoop in our driveway is now information that is available to the entire world. Not that I care about our basketball hoop, but what I care about is that people can see. If people can get 10 megapixel pictures of the outside of my house that means they can see through windows, they can potentially see what I own, they know what my house looks like. They can know the fact that our sprinklers were broken for a while, the fact that our garden gate is not always closed and... never locked. This can all be seen from a "sleepy little website" which just this month overtook mapquest in popularity.

I just described the scariness of the ever watchful eye of a curious world, so you might be wondering what this feeling of (at least temporary) relief is that I mentioned in the beginning. This is a highly technological camera in a highly technologically advanced program. But it must be manned. That is to say, (that I know of) there is no remote or automatic way of getting street view for google maps. It takes someone getting in a car and driving to each and every location and capturing one single image of it. Yeah it's a little scary that they have a detailed picture of my house... but it's an old picture. Our cars aren't even in the driveway so the world at least doesn't know what cars we drive. What I fear is not necessarily the situation because it takes time and money and a lot of work to get one snapshot of one little moment of time. What I fear is the way it could be in a couple of years.

Technology is advancing faster than we can make laws for it. This is objectively scary. We don't know what to do with technology that can invade people's privacy because the definition of privacy seems to be changing with time. We have to stare into the future and expect the worst: real time observation of our lives outside our front doors and garages. My dad was born in Cuba and was fortunate enough to get out before it was too late, but as Castro was rapidly taking power and seizing the assets of the people and removing their freedom, one of the first things that he did included an invasion of privacy. Loyalists (or people who were paid-off to do so) would be stationed at every street and would keep a log of the going ins and coming outs of the surrounding community. I don't have anything to hide but I have something to protect and that is my freedom and my constitutional rights.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Reflections on a Big Small World

Sorry it's been a while. Busy times here at this beautiful university. The latest events at Biola include the annual Missions conference this week. This conference with extraordinary guest speakers, events, and the global vision has been going on faithfully for 81 years and is one of the best reflections of the mission of Biola University. Aside from it's great system of education, Biola University works hard to equip students with a passion for the world, and a safe and fertile environment in which this passion can grow and begin to bear fruit. Biola takes off three days of school to work hard to represent different cultures and to make sure that we are sufficiently out of our comfort zones by (as actively as can be accomplished on a college campus) exploring the customs and situations in which other countries and nations find themselves.

This year in particular was especially inspiring for me, a college student studying business, simply because of the different approach to missions that seemed to be stressed this year. I am in college right now. The doors to go into all the nations of the world and preach the gospel are closed as of this four year long time in my life. Period. I stand confident in the fact that this is God's will for my life right now. In the past, however, speakers have urged us to feel this calling on our lives but instead of feeling inspired, I felt as if I should be feeling guilty for being in a state primarily of consumption rather than production even though it is appropriate and, I believe, essential for young people's growing experience. This year, though, some of the speakers made it an important part of their messages to call out to the alumni and stress a heart for missions once we become Biola Alum. This gives me something to pray about and look forward to in the future rather than feel judged and guilty about in the present.

Never once did anyone prod me to go off to Kenya or Yugoslavia or Bangladesh or any other nation to preach the truth. They talked about the importance of building relationships rather than pushing a religion in someone's face even if you are called to go to Kenya or Bangladesh. Jesus didn't preach and teach a religion, he preached and taught love and grace and freedom through Christ. It is a refreshing reminder that we don't have to have the mindset that Calcutta and Jakarta are the places to make an impact for Christ. What I love most about this conference is the sincerity surrounding this message. I've heard many a mission lecture lauding overseas missions, and they include local or smaller scaled missions as either plan b, second rate, or they put on the, "that's good too" voice or else they flat-out rebuke the nature of local missions. Either way they make their bias known. Where they might have good reasons for their opinions, their focus is often in the wrong place.
I have also heard many a lecture over-stressing local missions. The "look-what-you-can-do-right-here-right-now" speech can be effective in the same way an overseas speech can be, but the danger with this speech is that people will use the fear of cross-culture to restrict themselves to local missions. Playing this "local" trump card will cause the missionaries themselves to feel defensive about their work as if they have to prove themselves with a list of good things they have been doing. This year's missions conference neither blatantly promoted nor rebuked this mentality. Many think this issue should have been addressed but I think it was.
Many overseas and local missionaries act from a desire to "do" missions. Carl Medearis spoke about how missions is not about missions. Missions is not about spreading Christianity. Missions is not about missionaries. Missions are about Jesus, the lover of souls. Local involvement and foreign missions alike can be equally hazardous to the people you are ministering to as well as yourself if you are not walking in the will of God out of a love for Jesus. God doesn't want us to "do" stuff. He wants our heart to be changed and out of love for him we build relationships and establish a deep love that can only come from the Father to those around us. The surrender of our will to God's is when God is going to send us to the furthermost corners of the world... which could also mean next door. Our own wills grow strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace. That's where we want to be, not "doing" stuff, but loving people made in the image of God and showing through the establishment of relationships a mere spark of the infinitely burning flame of love that God has for each person.

I loved this year's advocacy of business in Missions. Speaker Tim Svaboda spoke of several business strategies for getting into a community and making a positive impact by, first and foremost, building relationships within your community, but also helping the economy greatly by creating jobs, and successfully and intelligently multiplying the resources. This is another area of missions that people either overlook or say is a cop-out excuse for missions. I've felt this pressure even from missionaries in my own family! As a business major and feeling God's direct call on my life to move in that direction and also having a love of people and missions I wasn't quite sure where I fit in. I'm still not sure, but being at this missions conference has encouraged me that God uses this skill to directly and deeply impact people and present opportunities to talk about God's love in just as "legitimate" of a way that "missionaries" impact cultures.

All in all I think the reminders that we receive at the annual missions conferences were very well executed this year and I have little nuggets of inspiration that I will carry with me for a long time. My only hope and prayer is that students (including myself) will seek out proper coaching and discipleship because without proper coaching, guiding, and instruction we, like the Israelites, will forget. Changed hearts will not stay changed for long if we forget what changed them in the first place.
Jesus loves us... hard to fathom, easy to forget, hard to believe, easy to abuse, easy to choose, hard to live in light of this truth. We're called to do hard things because those are the things that are going to shape and fashion our character into the sons and daughters that God intends us to be for his glory by the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Piece of Dust

My life flashed before my eyes in a hazy dream this morning. Moments before I became fully coherent of the world around me, I was old and looking back on my life. I wondered where it went. How I spent it. Why I wasn't young anymore. The exciting unknown future I thought I had ahead of me was all of a sudden behind me and bleak. I was a piece of dust that went just as quickly as it came.
I don't want to miss it. I don't want this day to pass me by because I'm living in tomorrow... or yesterday. I want to be content in moving and in taking each step as it comes to me not just wishing I was at the end. I certainly want to look toward the future and the hope that I have in Christ. "Hope" and "Future", though, are words tightly adhered to the concept of time and as such, you can't have a future and a hope if you are at the end already. Instead, the end is what pulls us towards itself, but hoping is not being or pretending to be at the end, it's the process of moving toward the end with joy and anticipation... but steadfastly walking in the path that God has laid out.
Live. Give thanks. Pray without ceasing. And love every moment.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The Space Between the Start and the Stop...



The night Max wore his wolf suit and made mischief of one kind

and another

his mother called him "Wild Thing!"
and Max said "I'LL EAT YOU UP!"
so he was sent to bed without eating anything

That very night in Max's room a forest grew

and grew-

and grew until his ceiling hung with vines
and the walls became the world all around

and an ocean tumbled by with a private boat for Max
and he sailed off through night and day

and in and out of weeks
and almost over a year
to where the wild things are.

And when he came to the place where the wild things are
they roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth

and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws

till Max said "BE STILL!"
and tamed them with the magic trick

of staring into all their yellow eyes without blinking once
and they were frightened and called him the most wild thing of all

and made him king of all wild things.

"And now", cried Max, "let the wild rumpus start!"

"Now stop!" Max said and sent the wild things off to bed
without their supper. And Max the king of all wild things was lonely
and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all.

Then all around from far away across the world
he smelled good things to eat
so he gave up being king of where the wild things are.

But the wild things cried, "Oh please don't go-
we'll eat you up-we love you so!"
And Max said, "No!"

The wild things roared their terrible roars and gnashed their terrible teeth
and rolled their terrible eyes and showed their terrible claws
but Max stepped into his private boat and waved good-bye

and sailed back over a year
and in and out of weeks
and through a day

and into the night of his very own room
where he found his supper waiting for him

and it was still hot.
(Where the Wild Things Are: Maurice Sendak)

This poem is of the most precious nature. On the surface and childish understanding of this story, Max realized where his home was. But on a more thought provoking level, how and why did he realize this? Do you realize that between the wild rumpus starting and stopping there is one space? Everything was going great for Max until the rumpus started, then he yelled stop! Why? What changed? That space doesn't tell us anything about the complications of royalty, the realization, the desire in the little boys mind and heart. Maybe, though, it is what is not there that reveals to us exactly what that void means.
Here's my theory.
In this child's mind, he wanted to be his own authority because he didn't like being told what to do. The mother of this monster-clad child, knew that it was not good for him to make decisions and rule his own soul because he didn't know better, he was still a child. The mother wisely and lovingly punished this child by sending him to bed without any supper. As his imagination grew, he went to a far off land where he was the king of all the little monsters and himself. He was the authority and everyone worshiped him. He didn't have to obey anyone. His first decision as king? Make a ruckus.
I know I've just explained about the little boy Max, but travel with me for a moment to a different idea: that this is not a children's book. It is actually an insightful book to parents about when their children grow up into... well... teenagers. Think about the separation that teenagers experience when coming to their own and learning to distance themselves from their parents. Sendak describes this disassociation as "over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day". That's a lot of distance. That's a long way to travel away from that authority we think we hate.
The truth is we need a wise ruler to guide our steps. That's why the wild things couldn't stand to be left, because Max was the only authority they knew. But Max couldn't do it, he didn't know how to be a wise ruler. All he could do was make noise and dance, and be wild. Something happened during that space that made him realize that he needed someone to help and guide him and be the loving authority in his life because he was too foolish to do it by himself.

Sendak also makes us think of the three types of parents, there are those parents who will not allow their child to distance themselves from the "ever-wise" authority, thinking that the foolish teenager will make terrible decisions and destroy themselves. The teenagers are so suffocated that freedom is what they think they've always wanted and once gone, they'll never turn back... even when "freedom" becomes less than ideal. Then, there are the parents who set no boundaries or expectations for their children, they let them go on the wild rumpuses of their lives so that they don't realize their folly till it is much too late. The hurt is cemented, the choices uncorrectable, and the mind too far from home that it will never fit again.
The third is the mean between the two extremes. These parents set boundaries complete with discipline but most of all love. The mother lovingly stands by as the hormonal teenager sails over a year and in and out of weeks and through a day away from them to experience for themselves what the parents have always known and made clear to be true all along. The mother lovingly beckons but never demands... never fails to bake cookies for her beloved and is always ready for a conversation, a hug, a tear, a cup of tea, a story, a love letter.
What happened between the start and the stop of the rumpus was that the boy realized that he did not know how to rule himself or the wild things that essentially lived in his mind... these can be compared to the roaring opinions, ideas, feelings, emotions, impulses, attractions, and every other kind of drama and ruckus that goes on in the life of a teenager. He needed his moment as he was growing in to his own to see for himself the truth. But the parents loved him enough to not let him go too far away so that he wouldn't not come back to home and his own discovery drew him back to the lavished love that was offered freely and unconditionally.

The real authority and true wise ruler of our lives ought to be God, but God has placed our parents in our lives to help us enter in to that conversation with our heavenly father... to help us listen and hear his voice speaking to us. It's the time when our faith is becoming our own, and not just an extension of our parents belief. God is using them as symbols and tangible representations of his love for us. We must listen, and respect, obey, even when we do go on adventures to discover the truth for ourselves... but never too far from home that we forget what it smells like or what true love, grace, and good food is.

I love you mom and dad.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

It's the Smell

This is not a book. A book has pages. A book has a smell. A book doesn't process text, it is text. A book doesn't manage data, it IS data.
This might sound funny coming from the Business major with an emphasis in the technology of business who doesn't like books very much. But let me appeal to the emotional imagination for a bit.

You walk into a bookstore and you know exactly what you are looking for. You walk to the fantasy section and pick up Phantastes. It's weighty and colorful. Moderately thick. You open up the cover as if taking the wrapping off of a present. You hold it close to your face and breathe in deeply the scent of fresh paper and binding glue. You pay the twelve dollars for the book and you walk out. You put it in the front seat of your car as if a passenger. Then you wait a week till it rains. You light the fireplace and brew yourself some tea and sit on the couch near the fire. You turn to page 1. If you are me, you'll skip the introduction... and the forward. Chapter 1. Ah There is nothing like the opening lines of a book usually on the left side of the layout. Then you turn the page. You keep turning... each rustling sound gives you the feeling that you are moving through and with your story. Like the whispering swish of each turn down the ski slope, you enjoy each rhythmic up-down movement of your knees as you steadily gain speed, but your goal is the end. So it is with books.
You cannot do this with a Kindle. You cannot see or experience the end as it draws near. Maybe there's a page number but you can't feel the weight of the book, or the manner of your success in finishing. You can't visualize the length, or write in the margins. You can't be friends with a Kindle. Maybe I'll change my mind one day when I actually get the opportunity to enjoy the convenience of one... but I don't think so. Books are timeless and beautiful, Kindles are a result of man's need to save space and time and have the most convenience possible that is available to them. You can't be friends with convenience.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

All Time Favorites


Casey At Bat - Ernest Lawrence Thayer
The outlook wasn't brilliant for the Mudville nine that day;
The score stood four to two, with but one inning more to play,
And then when Cooney died at first, and Barrows did the same,
A pall-like silence fell upon the patrons of the game.

A straggling few got up to go in deep despair. The rest
Clung to that hope which springs eternal in the human breast;
They thought, "If only Casey could but get a whack at that —
We'd put up even money now, with Casey at the bat."

But Flynn preceded Casey, as did also Jimmy Blake,
And the former was a hoodoo, while the latter was a cake;
So upon that stricken multitude grim melancholy sat;
For there seemed but little chance of Casey getting to the bat.

But Flynn let drive a single, to the wonderment of all,
And Blake, the much despised, tore the cover off the ball;
And when the dust had lifted, and men saw what had occurred,
There was Jimmy safe at second and Flynn a-hugging third.

Then from five thousand throats and more there rose a lusty yell;
It rumbled through the valley, it rattled in the dell;
It pounded on the mountain and recoiled upon the flat,
For Casey, mighty Casey, was advancing to the bat.

There was ease in Casey's manner as he stepped into his place;
There was pride in Casey's bearing and a smile lit Casey's face.
And when, responding to the cheers, he lightly doffed his hat,
No stranger in the crowd could doubt 'twas Casey at the bat.

Ten thousand eyes were on him as he rubbed his hands with dirt.
Five thousand tongues applauded when he wiped them on his shirt.
Then while the writhing pitcher ground the ball into his hip,
Defiance flashed in Casey's eye, a sneer curled Casey's lip.

And now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the air,
And Casey stood a-watching it in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy batsman the ball unheeded sped —
"That ain't my style," said Casey. "Strike one!" the umpire said.

From the benches, black with people, there went up a muffled roar,
Like the beating of the storm-waves on a stern and distant shore;
"Kill him! Kill the umpire!" shouted some one on the stand;
And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Casey raised his hand.

With a smile of Christian charity great Casey's visage shone;
He stilled the rising tumult; he bade the game go on;
He signaled to the pitcher, and once more the dun sphere flew;
But Casey still ignored it, and the umpire said "Strike two!"

"Fraud!" cried the maddened thousands, and echo answered "Fraud!"
But one scornful look from Casey and the audience was awed.
They saw his face grow stern and cold, they saw his muscles strain,
And they knew that Casey wouldn't let that ball go by again.

The sneer has fled from Casey's lip, the teeth are clenched in hate;
He pounds with cruel violence his bat upon the plate.
And now the pitcher holds the ball, and now he lets it go,
And now the air is shattered by the force of Casey's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright,
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
And somewhere men are laughing, and little children shout;
But there is no joy in Mudville — mighty Casey has struck out.